Temper Tantrum Thursdays

For the past couple-of weeks, I've been having a Thursday-shaped problem, and this is what it looks like:

 

Except, you know, I'm a very tall woman in my thirties, not a seven-year-old boy.

I'm not sure why, but for the past couple of weeks whenever I hit Thursday I've been having an inner temper tantrum with respect to my 100 Days Challenge. It's not just a lack of motivation, it's an anti-motivation.

Lack of Motivation:

 [sigh] "I really don't feel like exercising today..."

vs. 

Anti-Motivation: 

[rips up list of goals and stomps it into the dirt] 

"WHERE ARE ALL THE SNACKS?! BRING THEM TO ME!!! FIVE HOURS OF TV, CHEESE, AND CRACKERS! BRING IT!"

Resentful. That's the word. Resentful that winter won't go away, that I had an unsatisfactory work day, that I keep getting rejected, that the crutch I've always leaned on to comfort me through the boring and the disappointing is dropping everything into a slovenly heap and hiding in food and fantasy the minute I got home. Resentful that my progress is so slow and hard to see day-to-day, both in my weight loss efforts and my publishing efforts.

These temper tantrum Thursdays are a good portion of my lackluster score for weeks 9 and 10.  So you can imagine that I've been approaching today (which is a Thursday, for those of you who might be reading this entry six months from now and don't care to cross-reference a calendar), with no small amount of respect and trepidation.

Fortunately, the waters seem calm for now.

Part of the extremity of temper tantrum Thursdays has been due to cabin fever, with the cold temperatures being every bit as stubborn as the boy in that picture up there. Part of it has been my boredom with the routine and the pressure of the challenge obligations wearing me down (yes, they're self-imposed, but that's what makes them so pressury!). The end is starting to come into focus but it's still four weeks away. I just want to be done! I want my reward day of cares to the wind!

The most important thing, when the challenge is over, is not to let FREEEEDOM!!!! celebrations spiral into exactly the same habits I had four months ago.

We will be tackling that bridge the instant the challenge is over.

Er... plus one week. ;-)

Week #10 update and Star Wars diet tips

The past three weeks have been a roller-coaster ride, in everything but updating this blog, which has been a nice, steady ride of nothing.

Week #8, down 3.1 lbs!!

Week #9, down 0.9 lbs!!

Week #10 (this morning), up 0.7 lbs.

This is only the second time in the challenge that I've shown an increase instead of a loss. Last time it got to me a little, but this time I think I kind of deserved it.

Let me start at the beginning of the roller-coaster ride, with that three lb loss from two weeks ago. The thing about glorious progress like that is that it's dangerous. I've thought often this scene from Star Wars:

Don't get cocky, indeed.

In retrospect, I much rather would have continued losing at a nice, steady 1.5-2.0 per week. Three pounds puts me in the danger zone of being reckless. Little things start to slip through the cracks and I'm all too happy to let them. Truth be told, I was surprised to show a loss on Week #9. I turned in truly terrible stats for week #9, and I think this week's number is somewhat reflective of that.

I'm also starting to weary from the routine. Despite how good it makes me feel, I am never going to love coming home to exercise. Yoga only takes fifteen measly minutes out of my day, but the fact that I've obligated myself to do it makes it hang over my head like Eeyore's cloud all day. With the end of the 100 Days so close in sight (just less than a month now), I'm getting looser and looser in what constitutes a "meal plan"

There are some bright sides, though. First off, only a 0.7 loss? That's peanuts, especially since it's not wholly without cause.  Secondly, I'm really starting to see the effects of my net loss in my waistline and the fit of my clothes. (This actually adds to the "cocky" danger factor. I don't know why. You'd think it would be inducement to rally my efforts even more. I guess I'm just impatient to get to that "I did it! I won!!" moment).

I don't think I'm going to make my 90% goal in all categories, namely my meal plan and water bottle categories. I'm also slightly behind on getting to bed on time, which is funny because it's actually been one of the easiest to keep up. But since I only have to do it 5 out of 7 days, one miss will skew my statistics more drastically than in other categories. Additionally, two weeks ago I had to stay up late a couple of nights to do some story planning with my coauthor on my current writing project. The late evening is the only time she really is ever around to do it, so I chalk that up as a necessary sacrifice, one that I'm not going to ... lose a lot of sleep over. (Hah, puns for a Monday. Moving on).

I was panicking a little on trying to catch up on these categories before the end, and that panic was making me more sullen and resistant to actually doing them every day, so I'm letting off the pressure of achieving them. It makes me sad, but I think I stand a better chance of sticking to good behavior these last four weeks if I'm just focusing on daily victory.

Four weeks. I'm NOT going to cruise the rest of the way. There's still so much to be accomplished in that time frame. I really, really want to hit 177 lbs. Why? Because 177 lbs was the lowest weight I remember achieving three years ago when I last had this sort of success. In order to do that, I need to lose an average of 1.75 lbs per week.

Tough? Yes (Especially with Easter just around the bend).

Doable? I think so.

And then we'll go from there. Bring it on, Week #11. Stay on Target.